{"id":22725,"date":"2015-04-05T06:09:12","date_gmt":"2015-04-05T06:09:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/?p=22725"},"modified":"2015-04-05T06:09:12","modified_gmt":"2015-04-05T06:09:12","slug":"marin-voican-ghioroiu-la-o-halba-cu-bere-schita-umoristica","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/2015\/04\/05\/marin-voican-ghioroiu-la-o-halba-cu-bere-schita-umoristica\/","title":{"rendered":"Marin VOICAN-GHIOROIU: La o halb\u0103 cu bere (schi\u021b\u0103 umoristic\u0103)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 g\u0103g\u0103u\u0163\u0103, chiar o crezi capabil\u0103 pe Eva s\u0103 asculte balivernele \u015fi t\u00e2mpeniile tale, c\u0103 tu-i oferi \u00een dar stelele de pe cer?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ce, e\u015fti gelos pe mine c\u0103-i c\u00e2nt serenade?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu, dar nu m\u0103 la\u015fi s\u0103 dorm…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ca s\u0103 vezi!… nici nu-\u0163i c\u00e2nt \u0163ie, dar dup\u0103 mintea ta aia crea\u0163\u0103, ce-a\u015f putea s\u0103-i dau c\u00e2nd asear\u0103 m-am culcat f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc m\u0103car o coaje de p\u00e2ine?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ofer\u0103-i ce-\u015fi dore\u015fte \u015fi ea, a\u015fa cum o dore\u015fti \u015fi tu: o str\u00e2ngere prelungit\u0103 \u00een bra\u0163e… un s\u0103rut p\u0103tima\u015f, iar cheltuielile pe care le faci au s\u0103 fie minime.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hai s\u0103 fim serio\u015fi, cum s-o str\u00e2ng \u00een bra\u0163e c\u00e2nd ea st\u0103 la etajul trei?!…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Urc\u0103 la ea.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu am cum…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 De ce?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00cen curte are un c\u00e2ine lup, care m-ar rupe dac\u0103 deschid poarta.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Atunci de ce nu te latr\u0103 c\u00e2nd zbieri de-cu-sear\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la miezul nop\u0163ii?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u015etiu eu?… Probabil c\u0103-i place vocea mea.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103i trubadurule, s\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 ai dreptate, doarme potaia c\u0103 nu i se aude glasul, iar c\u00e2nd pleci \u00eencepe s\u0103 urle.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu url\u0103, cere un bis…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 …A, ia prive\u015fte spre balcon.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ce este?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Eva s-a a\u015fezat \u00een \u015feslong \u015fi se preg\u0103te\u015fte s\u0103-\u0163i asculte concertul.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Din acest moment nu-i mai c\u00e2nt.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Te-ai sup\u0103rat?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A, nu… Vreau s\u0103-i d\u0103ruiesc iubirea mea a\u015fa cum m-ai sf\u0103tuit.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Atunci m\u00e2ine sear\u0103, vino mai de vreme, a\u015fteapt-o la col\u0163ul str\u0103zii c\u0103 ea apare acm pe la orele \u015fase, \u015fapte… atunci termin\u0103 cursurile.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 De unde \u015ftii?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 De la Ancu\u0163a, sora ei.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Are \u015fi o sor\u0103?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Da, pe nevast\u0103-mea.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bine m\u0103 Nicu\u015for, tu m\u0103 la\u015fi s\u0103 mor de dor \u015fi nu-mi spui c\u0103-i e\u015fti cumnat?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 P\u0103i m-ai \u00eentrebat?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu. Aici ai dreptate… dar n-ar fi bine s\u0103 m\u0103 invi\u0163i \u00eentr-o sear\u0103 pe la tine?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ce m\u0103, vrei s\u0103 am necazuri!…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu te \u00een\u0163eleg.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Auzi amice, \u00ee\u0163i spun un secret: Eva nu \u015ftiu dac\u0103-i place cum c\u00e2n\u0163i, dar Ancu\u0163a e moart\u0103 dup\u0103 tine.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu mai spune, chiar \u00eei place de vocea mea?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 E \u00eenebunit\u0103… Asear\u0103 c\u00e2nd am strigat-o s\u0103 vin\u0103 s\u0103 se culce, c\u0103 tot la balcon st\u0103 \u015fi ea c\u00e2nd tu \u00ee\u0163i faci programul muzical, ce crezi c\u0103 mi-a zis?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ce?…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ai r\u0103bdare, s\u0103 tremine z\u0103p\u0103citul \u0103sta de c\u00e2ntat… c\u0103 drept s\u0103-\u0163i spun, are dulcea\u0163\u0103 \u00een glas \u015fi dorm mai lini\u015ftit\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00eel acult.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 P\u0103i… ar trebui s\u0103 c\u00e2nt \u015fi \u00een seara asta, dac\u0103 zice c\u0103-i aduc somnul dragei tale so\u0163ii.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A, nu e nevoie, ast\u0103 sear\u0103 nu vine acas\u0103. E plecat\u0103 la maic\u0103-sa.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bine, atunci hai \u00een col\u0163 la ber\u0103rie, fac cinste.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nici nu se putea o mai bun\u0103 propunere.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gr\u0103be\u015fte-te c\u0103 mi s-a uscat limba-n gur\u0103.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Merg, dar nu-mi mai vorbe\u015fti de Eva.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 P\u0103i ce farmec are-o halb\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 amintesc de cea care mi-e drag\u0103?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Uit\u0103-te bine la mine: a\u015fa am fost \u015fi eu la \u00eenceput, \u00eemi sf\u00e2r\u00e2iau c\u0103lc\u00e2iele dup\u0103 Ancu\u0163a, iar acum… dup\u0103 zece ani de c\u0103snicie sunt bucuros ca s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n singur \u015fi s\u0103 cinstesc cu tine o halb\u0103, fiindc\u0103 nici nu \u015ftii ce plicticoas\u0103 e iubirea, asem\u0103n\u0103toare aceea\u015fi ciorb\u0103 servit\u0103 zilnic.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nu po\u0163i s\u0103 schimbi ciorba?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pot, dar nu vreau.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 De ce?!… P\u0103i nu permanent, doar de divertisment.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tu vrei s\u0103 fiu din nou ca tine, f\u0103r\u0103 cas\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 mas\u0103… \u015fi s\u0103 tai frunz\u0103 c\u00e2inilor? …Dac\u0103 nu era Ancu\u0163a, cine m\u0103 aduna de pe drumuri?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hai noroc \u015fi s\u0103 ai parte de Ancu\u0163a \u015fi ea de tine!…<\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 vreo cinci r\u00e2nduri de halbe cu spum\u0103 ras\u0103, Nicu\u015for este zg\u00e2l\u0163\u00eeit puternic \u015fi c\u00e2nd a auzit glasul Ancu\u0163ei i-a trecut tot cheful.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Aici mi-erai, craiule?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 … \u015etii, am fost invitat de…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Un derbedeu ne\u00eensurat, a\u015fa-i?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Da, ne\u00eensurat.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 S\u0103rut m\u00e2na doamna Ancu\u0163a!..<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Domnule, dac\u0103 \u00een clipa asta nu mergi cu mine, jur c\u0103 ai s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2i cu flecarul \u0103sta care-mi face capul calendar cu v\u0103ic\u0103relile lui, c\u0103 mai frumos schel\u0103l\u0103ie Ludovik.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Vai de mine!… M\u0103 cunoa\u015fte\u0163i?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 E \u015fi greu s\u0103 te re\u0163in, c\u00e2nd tot cartierul te \u015ftie ca pe un cal breaz, c\u0103-mi vine s\u0103-\u0163i iau chitara \u015fi s\u0103 \u0163i-o fac \u0163\u0103nd\u0103ri \u015fi s\u0103 nu te mai v\u0103d \u00een via\u0163a mea!<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 … Bine m\u0103 Nicu\u015for, tu-mi spuneai c\u0103 doamnei Ancu\u0163a \u00eei place cum c\u00e2nt?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 … Da, a\u015fa am zis.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 De ce?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ca s\u0103 nu te am\u0103r\u0103sc. Revenindu-\u015fi din spaima pe care a tras-o c\u00e2nd Ancu\u0163a l-a zg\u00e2l\u0163\u00eeit ca pe un sac de cartofi, Nicu\u015for \u00eei spune ca s-o \u00eembuneze: nu vrei \u015fi tu un \u0163ap cu bere, floricica lui t\u0103ticu?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 mir c\u0103 nu-\u0163i e ru\u015fine!… De \u0163apul t\u0103u \u00eemi arde?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Atunci o halb\u0103, ce zci, merge feti\u0163\u0103?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mergem acas\u0103!…<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 ier\u0163i Nicu\u015for, nu am vrut s\u0103-\u0163i fac scandal \u00een cas\u0103.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Eu s\u0103 te iert?!… S\u0103 te ierte ea \u015fi cu sor\u0103-sa Eva.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ce-o bagi pe Eva-n ciorba noastr\u0103, trogloditule!<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 P\u0103i cui \u00eei c\u00e2nt\u0103 serenade, mie sau ei?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 E t\u00e2rziu \u015fi nu discut cu be\u0163ivii.<\/p>\n

\n

EPILOG<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Dup\u0103 c\u00e2teva luni bune, Gu\u0163\u0103 a reu\u015fit s\u0103-i c\u00e2\u015ftige inima Evei, iar la doi ani \u00eei g\u0103sim pe cei doi amici la ber\u0103rie discut\u00e2nd cu aprindere.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gu\u0163\u0103, Gu\u0163\u0103… dac\u0103 nu m\u0103 ascultai, acum erai tot trubadur.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 N-am ce zice, Nicu\u015for… te-am ascultat \u015fi Dumnezeu mi-a dat pe cine am dorit s\u0103-mi fie so\u0163ie. Eva, dragul meu e-o dulce. Chiar vreau s\u0103-\u0163i m\u0103rtuirisesc un secret: peste patru luni voi fi t\u0103tic.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Noroc \u015fi s\u0103 fie-ntr-un ceas bun! Copii sunt bucuria casei. Ai mei, Dani \u015fi Lorena de la toamn\u0103 merg la \u015fcoal\u0103. At\u00e2t de fericit m\u0103 simt… Ca un f\u0103cut, dup\u0103 circa dou\u0103 ore au avut surpriza s\u0103 fie lua\u0163i la rost de Ancu\u0163a \u015fi Eva.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Aici \u00eemi sunte\u0163i, crailor?… le strig\u0103 din u\u015fa localului, Ancu\u0163a.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cum o s\u0103-\u0163i cre\u015fti copilul, be\u0163ivule, dac\u0103 cheltuie\u015fti banii \u00een c\u00e2rcium\u0103… se r\u0103\u0163oie\u015fte \u015fi Eva la Gu\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gata, gata cu circul!… Osp\u0103tar! Repede, patru halbe \u015fi dou\u0103zeci de mititei, au venit invita\u0163ii mei, comand\u0103 Nicu\u015for, iar r\u0103zboinicile doamne au spus cu tandre\u0163e \u00een glas.<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 P\u0103i… numai voi!… De ce nu ne-a\u0163i luat \u015fi pe noi?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n


\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marin VOICAN-GHIOROIU<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bucure\u015fti<\/strong><\/p>\n

1 aprilie 2015<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 g\u0103g\u0103u\u0163\u0103, chiar o crezi capabil\u0103 pe Eva s\u0103 asculte balivernele \u015fi t\u00e2mpeniile tale, c\u0103 tu-i oferi \u00een dar [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articole"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22725"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22725\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22728,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22725\/revisions\/22728"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22725"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}