{"id":23866,"date":"2015-05-14T12:11:16","date_gmt":"2015-05-14T12:11:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/?p=23866"},"modified":"2015-05-14T12:12:12","modified_gmt":"2015-05-14T12:12:12","slug":"dorel-schor-%e2%80%93-lungul-nasului","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/2015\/05\/14\/dorel-schor-%e2%80%93-lungul-nasului\/","title":{"rendered":"Dorel Schor \u2013 Lungul nasului"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>LUNGUL NASULUI<\/p>\n

–\u00a0 schi\u021b\u0103 umoristic\u0103 –<\/p>\n

– Ce feti\u0163\u0103 bun\u0103, \u00eemi spune madam Brodiciche \u00eenduio\u015fat\u0103, ce familie onorabil\u0103, ce educa\u0163ie cum nu mai g\u0103se\u015fti ast\u0103zi \u00een multe case… \u015ei a\u015fa o partid\u0103 i se propune lui Simon \u015eeinerovici, care-i trecut prin ciur si prin d\u00e2rmon, c\u0103 a umblat, numai e\u00a0\u015ftiu, cu un milion de f\u00ee\u0163e…<\/p>\n

\u2013 Despre cine vorbi\u0163i, doamn\u0103? \u00eentreb politicos.<\/p>\n

-Despre Lizica Kleider, feti\u0163a prietenei mele Bertha, care are restaurant vizavi de banc\u0103. Despre ea vorbesc… \u015ei ce crezi… Crezi poate c\u0103 nu s-a f\u0103cut partida pentru c\u0103 ea\u00a0nu a vrut. Ai s\u0103 r\u00e2zi, el n-a mai vrut. Derbedeul \u0103sta, mincinosul \u0103sta patentat, escrocul \u0103sta sentimental s-a r\u0103zg\u00e2ndit. Ce vremuri am ajuns s\u0103 tr\u0103im! Ca lui Simon \u015eeinerovici, care cine \u015ftie cine a fost bunicul lui, s\u0103 nu-i convin\u0103 s\u0103 se \u00eensoare cu Lizica Kleider, nepoata lui\u00a0Herman Rapaport, epitropul sinagogii croitorilor din Odesa.\u00a0A\u015fa ni\u015fte vremuri am ajuns…<\/p>\n

\u00a0– Dac\u0103\u00a0\u00een\u0163eleg bine, m\u0103 pronun\u0163 eu delicat, matale \u0163ii mult la\u00a0Lizica si ai vrea s\u0103 o vezi m\u0103ritat\u0103 la casa ei. C\u0103 are deja o v\u00e2rst\u0103…<\/p>\n

\u00a0– Are, s\u0103 nu-i fie de\u00a0deochi, vreo treizeci\u015fiopt… Si e fat\u0103 cinstit\u0103, de asta garantez eu, nu cred s\u0103 se fi s\u0103rutat m\u0103car o\u00a0data…<\/p>\n

\u00a0– Bun. \u015ei lucreaz\u0103 undeva? Are o profesie?<\/p>\n

-Are tat\u0103l ei restaurant, nu \u0163i-am spus? C\u00e2nd o s\u0103 se retrag\u0103 d\u00e2nsul din afacere, \u00a0parc\u0103 cui o s\u0103-i ram\u00e2na, nu ei?<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00cen\u0163eleg… \u015ei e prezentabil\u0103 Lizica, oarecum?<\/p>\n

– Mare lucru e s\u0103 fii\u00a0prezentabil\u0103? Dac\u0103 e cazul se fac prezentarile imediat. Dar de ce m\u0103 intrebi? Ai matale vreo ideie? N-ai s\u0103 ie\u015fi \u00een pierdere dac\u0103 se face!<\/p>\n

– Pentru moment nu am nici o ideie dar, dac\u0103 imi permiteti, de ce nu ia leg\u0103tura doamna Bertha sau domnul Kleider cu o agen\u0163ie matrimonial\u0103?<\/p>\n

– \u00a0 Ni\u015fte bandi\u0163i \u015fi \u0103\u015ftia, stabile\u015fte doamna Brodiciche, n-ai v\u0103zut \u015fi matale la televizor? \u00ce\u0163i iau banii \u015fi-\u0163i dau un num\u0103r de telefon \u00a0care sun\u0103 ocupat… O m\u0103g\u0103rie! Crezi poate c\u0103 nu s-a dus Bertha la Matilda? A spus a\u015fa \u015fi a\u015fa, am o fat\u0103 bun\u0103, cu o zestre de o suta de mii, ma\u015fin\u0103 ca \u015fi nou\u0103, restaurant \u00een perspectiv\u0103… I-au propus un inginer divor\u0163at…<\/p>\n

– \u00centeleg, el divor\u0163at \u015fi ea fecioar\u0103…<\/p>\n

\u00a0– Nu-i vorba de asta. Dar inginer? Nu perspective, nu avere, slujba\u015f la stat p\u00e2n\u0103\u00a0la pensie? Asta \u00eei dau ei Lizicii pentru o sut\u0103 de mii? \u015ei atunci i-au propus un contabil, unu chel \u015fi bor\u0163os, de la fisc.<\/p>\n

– Ca s\u0103 vezi… El bor\u0163os \u015fi ea ca o floare.<\/p>\n

– Care floare? Problema e alta… Nu a vrut un inginer \u015fi i se propune mai pu\u0163in? Ce s\u0103 fac\u0103 ea cu un contabil? Intr-o negustorie, la un restaurant, un contabil poate s\u0103 strice… Simon\u00a0\u015eeinerovici, a\u015fa cum e el, avea cap la treburile astea. Un contabil sclerozat e corect, domnule, poate s\u0103 fie chiar periculos… Auzi matale, inc\u0103 de la fisc!<\/p>\n

-Dar ce ar fi vrut Lizica, un doctor?<\/p>\n

– D\u0103-i\u00a0incolo de doctori… Nu ai auzit ce leafa are un doctor?! Si \u00a0dac\u0103 o s\u0103 fac\u0103 inc\u0103 o data grev\u0103, din ce o s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103? Din zestrea fetei? Ea s\u0103-l \u0163in\u0103 cu cas\u0103 \u015fi \u00a0mas\u0103 \u015fi el s\u0103 fac\u0103 grev\u0103?<\/p>\n

\u00a0– Atunci cu un \u00a0intelectual…<\/p>\n

\u00a0– I-au dat \u015fi a\u015fa ceva, un \u00a0profesor de violoncel de la conservator. S-a g\u00e2ndit domnul \u00a0Kleider c\u0103 poate s\u0103 c\u00e2nte la restaurant seara, dar c\u00e2nd\u00a0l-au intrebat, ai s\u0103 r\u00e2zi, ditamai profesorul nu cunoa\u015fte\u00a0o muzic\u0103 mai de doamne ajut\u0103. Cunoa\u015fte notele dar c\u00e2nt\u0103 numai treburi din alea care nu le \u00een\u0163elege nimeni. Te faci\u00a0de r\u00e2s fa\u0163\u0103 de clien\u0163i… N-a mers. A\u015fa o fat\u0103 \u015fi n-are noroc. Iar m\u0103garii \u0103ia de la Matilda au mai avut tupeul s\u0103 zic\u0103: Dar ce a\u0163i vrea pentru o sut\u0103 de mii \u015fi o ma\u015fin\u0103 cu dou\u0103 u\u015fi? Un om de afaceri? Un instalator? Unul care-i proprietar de tarab\u0103 \u00een pia\u0163\u0103? Fetele de azi\u00a0nu-\u015fi mai cunosc lungul nasului….\u00a0 A\u015fa au\u00a0spus!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. DOREL SCHOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0Tel Aviv, Israel<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

LUNGUL NASULUI –\u00a0 schi\u021b\u0103 umoristic\u0103 – – Ce feti\u0163\u0103 bun\u0103, \u00eemi spune madam Brodiciche \u00eenduio\u015fat\u0103, ce familie onorabil\u0103, ce educa\u0163ie [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23866","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articole"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23866","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23866"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23866\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23870,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23866\/revisions\/23870"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marianagurza.ro\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}